


She's Not Peter

by porygonkin



Category: Earth-1610 - Fandom, Marvel Ultimate Universe
Genre: Earth-1610, F/F, Ultimate Marvel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 21:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7071286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porygonkin/pseuds/porygonkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kitty has something to confess, something she's been holding onto for a long time. But how will Jessica respond?</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's Not Peter

_She’s not Peter._

 

Kitty used to tell herself that. She’d kept that sentence on repeat in the back of her mind whenever she was around her. They were on the same team - Kitty knew that she wasn’t the same person as Peter. She had her own personality, her own little quirks and nervous tics. Some of them were different. Some were the same as him.

 

_She’s not Peter. She just has his DNA. His memories._

_His eyes._

_Lips._

 

Kitty spent more nights than she would like to admit lying in bed, repeating the mantra to herself, trying her hardest to pound it into her head. She felt gross, as if she were objectifying Jessica by reducing her to exactly what she hated - being a clone of Peter, a substitute. It was insulting, honestly, especially because she’d only recently found out about Jessica’s origin as Peter’s clone, and how much she struggled with her identity as a result of that. Acting like she was some sort of substitute for Peter, as unconscious and involuntary as it was, was an awful thing to do, and she’d tried and tried to shove that idea out of her head.

 

But sometimes she just couldn’t help it, after she first found out. She’d always felt some sort of weird attraction to Jessica, long before she knew that Jessica was Peter’s clone. There was something about the way she carried herself, the rare moments where she would let down her guard and be a teenage girl, outside of the Ultimates.

 

Revealing her identity seemed to be a weight off Jessica’s shoulders. She was more comfortable with being herself, which meant that she was more comfortable displaying the traits that she still shared with Peter. The awful, tone-deaf sense of humor, the unusually low-pitched laugh, even the way she pulled on her mask reflected Peter. It used to drive Kitty insane.

 

It felt like a betrayal, almost, desecrating Peter’s memory by fantasizing about his female clone. She struggled with that quite a bit, too. As time went on, however, and she spent more and more time with Jessica, she began to realize that her feelings weren’t tied to Peter nearly as much as she believed. She was noticing more and more that, just as Jessica wanted, she was her own person. She was more abrasive than Peter, more aggressive. She was less inclined to quip and engage in banter, and more inclined to quietly kick someone’s ass, taking charge of the situation immediately. For someone as insecure and self-conscious as Jessica was outside of the mask, as Spider-Woman (and Black Widow), she was far more confident and commanding than Peter ever was.

 

At some point in the past month, she’d finally come to the conclusion she’d been seeking - she wasn’t in love with Peter, or the idea of Peter. She was in love with Jessica Drew. But she hadn’t confessed yet - she held it in her chest, and it felt like heartburn. She could barely stand it, but the idea of confessing scared her to no end.

 

She’d thought about talking to Jessica about how she felt, even dreamt up scenarios for dropping the news to her. Every time she got close, however, something held her back, whether it was something Jessica did, some dumb superhero shit they all had to get going to, or Kitty’s still-bubbling doubts that she truly had feelings for _Jessica_ at all, rather than the ghost of Peter. The last thing she wanted to do was use Jessica as some sick stand-in for the first love of her life.

 

But she always came back to the fact that her feelings had been bubbling in her chest long before she knew about Jessica’s origins. Before she was Peter’s clone, she was just Jessica. She needed to trust her feelings, trust that she could lead herself to the right conclusion.

 

Kitty also knew that she couldn’t put up with this much longer. She knew that the heart flutters, the blushing, the tripping over her words had to stop. But she had to be sure, first. She had to go about it the right way, at least get her head on straight, so she could know for sure what her feelings were.

 

She scrolled down to Miles’s name and pushed down the creeping feeling of embarrassment at having to ask a fifteen-year-old for dating advice.

 

<hey miles u busy>

<nah why what’s up>

<meet me at the coffee shop on 19th i wanna talk about something>

<uh ok, is this like a super thing or what>

<no it’s just a thing stop asking questions meet me there now bye>

<wtf ok>

 

Kitty slipped her phone into her pocket and rolled her eyes.

 

_This is a mistake._

 

But she didn’t have a wealth of other options, and Miles was apparently holding down the fort with some other girl in his school, and he already knew about Jessica’s origin, so maybe he would have some insight. With that small comfort in her mind, she phased through her bedroom window and dropped onto the street below, jogging in the direction of the coffee shop.

 

+++

 

Miles was enthusiastically texting someone when Kitty arrived. She was always weirded out by his street clothes, which consisted of surprisingly questionable taste - who wore sweater vests any more? - and he did not disappoint today, clad in an unbuttoned plaid shirt and a newsboy cap. She marveled at the idea of this dweeb having a girlfriend at all.

 

He didn’t even notice when she slipped into the seat across from him until she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

 

“Hey, whoa!” he said, jumping a bit. “You’re really quiet, you know that? It’s weird. I don’t like it.”

“Okay, loverboy,” Kitty replied, pushing Miles’s phone out of his hands. “You’re going to give me advice.”

“Wait, what?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“What is this about? Is it that…uhh…that Jimmy guy? Where even is he? Are the other mutants still in Utopia or - “

He was stopped by Kitty’s raised hand, as she looked around to see if anyone was listening. As expected, no one cared. She leaned in closer, and Miles followed suit, his face bizarrely serious.

 

“It’s, uh, it’s about Jessica. You know. Jessica Drew.”

 

Miles stared at her for a second, and his eyes widened even further.

 

“Holy shit.” He pointed at her. “Holy shit!!”

“Stop, stop, you’re making this weird, don’t - “

“Holy shit!!!”

“Miles, please, act older than your age for once - “

“Jessica Drew?? Really? Does that mean - “ his voice suddenly dropped. “You’re…you know…?”

“Oh my God, Miles. You have plenty of experience with this already!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You know, with Ganke and all - “

“Alright.” He held up his hands. “I’m not engaging this line of conversation any more. Why did you want me to talk to you about this?”

Kitty leaned back and covered her face. “This was a mistake.”

“No, come on, I already told Katie I’d be back in like an hour.”

“Oh my God.” She dragged her hands down her face. The regret weighed on her shoulders like a brick.

 

“Has she talked to you about…you know…where she came from?”

Miles’s face softened. “The clone thing? Yeah, she hates it. What does that have to - oh.”

 

Kitty could see the gears whizzing in Miles’s head. She frowned.

 

“I know what this is,” he said. “You don’t know who you’re actually interested in, do you?”

She laid her head on the table, groaning. “No, no…I’m just…I’m not sure. It scares me.”

 

Miles reached over and awkwardly patted her shoulder.

 

“Hey, listen, you’re making assumptions about how you feel that you don’t need to make.”

Kitty looked up at him, pouting. “What do you mean?”

 

Miles leaned back and crossed his arms, looking up at the ceiling.

 

“Look. You need to separate your feelings and look at them, and I mean really, really look at them, y’know? When did you first realize you were attracted to her?"

 

Kitty frowned further, but sat back up, resting her chin on her hands, and gave it some thought. She’d had the feelings for months, practically ever since she’d first talked to her outside of superhero work, before she unmasked and Kitty was struck by the strange, but not quite identical, resemblance to her lost love. But she’d brushed that off almost immediately because Jessica was so different to start with. Her love for Peter hadn’t gone away, but it had faded into the background, more of a fond memory than anything at the forefront of her mind. And she knew that her attraction had escalated to near its current point before Jessica revealed to them that she was Peter’s clone. She didn’t feel differently at all, actually. The revelation had just caused her to question herself.

 

“I…it was a long time ago,” she said after a minute or so. “Before I knew about her.”

Miles gave a small smile. “And what do you like about her?”

“Don’t do this.”

“This is important, Kitty. Talk about her." 

 

Kitty let out another frustrated sigh, but she relented, tapping her lip with a finger.

 

“I…I like that she’s a natural leader. She’s assertive and confident in herself. But she doesn’t let that overpower everyone around her. She takes the lead when she needs to, but is open to others, too. And she’s…God, her sense of humor is so bad. It’s so bad. But whenever we talk, I’m always reeling from the terrible jokes she tells. She just…she feels so mature, but she also feels like she’s my age, too? And she’s gorgeous, like, that’s a given. Her hair is better than mine. And…”

 

She looked down at her hands, blushing a little.

 

“I really admire her, y’know? I always have. Peter would…Peter would tell me about how cool Spider-Woman was, how he wanted to be in the Ultimates and do things like the Roxxon investigation that she was doing. He never let on that she was…who she is, but he always conveyed this wonder about her that hooked me in. And when I really got to know her, and I found out that she was just like us, just a teenage girl, it flipped a switch in me. Like she wasn’t this big unattainable hero any more. She was just a girl. And I just…I felt it tugging at my heart, all the time. Sometimes, when I think of her, I see Peter in her face, but I look past that and it’s so, so clear to me that Jess is her own person. She’s not Peter. She won’t ever be. And that’s great. I think…I think that’s why I want to be with her.”

She nodded to herself. “I need to tell her.”

 

Kitty had slipped into her own little reverie while she was talking, and when she emerged from it, she found Miles grinning at her like an idiot, completely enthralled. She immediately made a sour face.

 

“Get that look off your face, Morales.”

“But you’re so cute.”

“This was a mistake.”

“Hey, no,” he said, pointing at her. “Did you hear all that? I’m convinced, man. You don’t see Peter, you see Jessica Drew. And I think that’s really important. That’s the most important thing, really, because we all know that Jessica is Jessica. She likes to get all angsty and dilute herself down to just being some clone, but we all know the truth, and I think you know it most of all. That’s important to her and it’s important to you. So you get out your phone, you text her, and you go meet her and tell her how you feel. Right now. While it’s all still in your head." 

 

Miles stood up and made his way to the exit. In the doorway, he turned to look at Kitty.

 

“You’ll regret it if you don’t. Trust me.”

 

Kitty stared after him for a while, mulling over her options. She didn’t want to rush into anything, but MIles was right - she would regret not saying anything, just like she did every time she chickened out. There was no better time than now.

Reaching for her phone, she took a few breaths. No problem. Just text her and ask to meet somewhere. The park. No costumes, just street clothes. Easy.

 

<hey jess u busy>

<No, why?>

<can we meet in central park>

<Is something wrong?>

 

_Fuck. Come on, Jess, put your guard down for two seconds._

 

<no i just wanna talk>

<Kitty.>

<jess come on i’ll tell you when we’re at the park ok bye>

<You’re insufferable sometimes. But I’ll see you in a bit.>

 

“Mmmmmmmm this is going to be awful.” But she had already decided. No turning back. She stood up, threw a few bills on the table, and rushed out of the shop, running over to the park as fast as she could, racing her nerves and her common sense.

 

+++

 

“You wanted to see me?”

Jessica looked gorgeous. Kitty bit her lip. 

_I can’t do this._

“Kitty.” 

_Oh god, her hair looks so nice, I can’t do it, I can’t I can’t I can’t -_

“ _Pryde._ ”

“Aaah! What?” Kitty jumped off the bench a little bit, startled by Jessica’s sudden prodding. She seemed unamused.

 

“What did you want to talk about? You were being really evasive about it.”

“Uhhh…” Now she was getting cold feet. _Great. Real great plan here, Kitty._

 

Her focus began to shift all around the park in an attempt to compose herself. 

 

“It’s a…a lovely day, isn’t it?” she said, her voice too high-pitched to be convincing whatsoever.

“Lovely. Spit it out, Kitty.”

 

Kitty balled her fists tight, her nails threatening to draw blood. She took another deep breath. Jessica sighed.

 

“Look, Kitty, I have other things to do today, so if you’re just going to sit here - “

“I love you.”

 

That stopped Jessica dead in her tracks. One glimpse into Jessica’s eyes told Kitty that she’d very likely made a big mistake.

Jessica’s expression seemed to vacillate between confusion and shock, and Kitty thought she could see a hint of tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

 

“W-What?“

 

_Oh God. She doesn’t like me. She hates me. Oh God. I read this all wrong. I’m so screwed. I’m sunk. This is it._

 

Kitty nearly stood up and ran away, but there was something in Jessica’s expression that forced back all of Kitty’s instincts that were telling her to flee. Something like longing - a look that wanted to know more, needed to know more.

 

“Yeah,” Kitty replied, lamely. _Off to a great start._

 

Jessica furrowed her brow, seemingly trying to process this sudden, clumsy confession. 

 

“You…you can’t be serious.” The doubt, the unwillingness to believe stung Kitty a little, but she persisted.

“I am, Jessica. I really am, I mean it,” she said, reaching for Jessica’s hand. When she touched it, however, Jessica pulled away, her expression hardening. 

“No you don’t,” she said. 

“What? Of course - “

“Don’t lie to me, Kitty.” This was completely unexpected. Jessica’s cheeks were starting to stain with tears, and she stood up, whirling around to face Kitty, her disbelief turning into uncharacteristic anger towards Kitty.

“This is about Peter, isn’t it?” she snapped. Kitty recoiled, struck by the venom in Jessica’s voice. This was probably the worst possible outcome.

“Jessica, no, come on!” she said, standing up to face her. “You’re being unreasonable about this!”

“NO!” she shouted. “I know exactly what this is, Kitty. I can see it in your face, I’ve seen it for months - you think that, that…that just because Peter and I share the same DNA, that I came from him, that you can hot swap feelings for me into the hole that Peter left in your heart! _Don’t lie to me!_ ”

 

Kitty’s mouth hung open, completely unable to form a response. Jessica was being completely unreasonable, but she couldn’t blame the other girl. She knew - the whole team knew - that Jessica was incredibly self-conscious about any parallels or relations to Peter that came up, but she had no idea that Jessica’s issues were so deep-seated. She was starting to think that this was a hopeless endeavor.

 

But she had resolved to confess, and to make sure Jessica knew that Kitty’s heart was in the right place. So she stood her ground.

 

“Jessica, listen to me. Sit down and listen. Please.” Her hard gaze met Jessica’s, and for a moment she thought the other girl might just abandon her. Instead, jaw set, Jessica pushed past her and flopped back onto the bench.

“…I’m listening.”

 

Kitty sat down as well, scratching at her neck. She turned to Jessica.

 

“First, I want you to promise me that you’re going to hear me out, that you’re not going to freak out on me again, and that you’ll listen to everything I say before you decide if my feelings are legitimate or not.” She nudged Jessica gently with her elbow. “Can you do that for me?”

“Don’t treat me like a five-year-old,” Jessica replied, but she seemed to have cooled down. That was the best she was going to get, so she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

 

“Peter used to idolize you.”

 

Jessica scoffed, but said nothing.

 

“He always used to tell me, ‘Kitty, this Jessica chick is so cool. She’s got spider powers, just like me! And she’s acting on her own, doing things even the Ultimates can’t get done! How cool is that?’ And I, you know, I didn’t really know you, because I never saw you. You were always in the dark with them, you weren’t one of the public faces. But he loved to talk about you, and I always kept that in mind.

“So when you showed back up, after he…” She took a breath, composing herself. “After he died, I wanted to get to know you better. I wanted to get closer, because I wanted to know this person that was so revered by him.

“And I did…and I found out that she was more wonderful than Peter ever implied.”

 

Jessica was now staring firmly at her hands, her head pointed at the ground. Kitty could see hints of a blush crossing her cheeks.

 

“When I…when I took out Galactus, and I came back to New York, and we formed the new Ultimates, I could really tell that something was brewing in my chest. I wanted to get even closer to you, but you know how hard things like that are when we do what we do. But I couldn’t help it. I knew it was a serious feeling, and I knew that it was real. I started to think that maybe I should tell you. 

"And then, then you told us how you came to be, and it just crossed so many wires in my head. Even though…even though I’d felt like this for so long before that, I started to think that maybe my heart was lying to me. Maybe it was just like you said - maybe I was just trying to convince myself that I loved you, and not the idea of being with Peter again. 

“But I know that that’s not true.”

 

“How?” Jessica interjected, her voice trembling. Kitty put a hand on her knee, nudging Jessica to look at her.

 

“Because when I think of the person I love, I don’t see Peter. I see you.”

 

The wave of emotions that came across Jessica’s face seemed to stun her into silence.

 

“I love you, Jessica Drew.”

 

Repeating it, Kitty hoped, would drive home the point she was trying to make. It wasn’t about Peter - it was about Jessica, and it always had been.

Jessica covered her face, leaning back on the bench.

 

“I just don’t understand,” she said, muffled by her hands.

“What is it? What aren’t you getting?” Kitty said, putting a hand on Jessica’s back.

 

She pulled her hands away from her face, tears now openly streaming down her face.

 

“It scares me, Kitty,” she replied. “I don’t want to be hurt like that.”

“Why do you think I’m going to hurt you, even after everything I’ve said?” Kitty said, exasperation growing. “Jessica - “

“Because I love you, too, and I don’t want to be some…some stand-in for the ghost of Peter, okay?” she shouted.

 

Kitty stared, her jaw dropping. This - this was the one thing she hadn’t expected.

 

“You what?” she sputtered out in disbelief. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“I just told you why, Kitty!” Jessica stood up again, stomping her foot. “I know you understand it! I’m not Peter, and I never will be! I can’t, I just, I can’t be him!”

Kitty hopped up to meet her. “Jessica, calm down, relax, we’re on the same page - “

“I’m my own person, Kitty…” she continued, averting her eyes. “I just…I don’t want to be with you if you don’t want me for who I am, not for who Peter was." 

“Jess,” Kitty said soothingly, rubbing Jessica’s arms. “You already heard me. Look at me.” She placed a finger under Jessica’s chin and tilted her head up.

“Jessica Drew. I want to be with you. _You._ Not Peter. You.” She rested her hand on Jessica’s cheek. “You.”

 

Jessica tried to say something, but felt the words catch in her throat. Instead, she leaned forward and dragged Kitty into a deep, heavy kiss that seemed to last an eternity. When she finally pulled away, Kitty’s face had turned tomato red, and she was left a stuttering mess.

 

“Do you really mean it?” Jessica said, one more time. Kitty, still unable to form any coherent sentence, simply nodded, and rested her head against Jessica’s forehead.

“I’m sorry, Kitty,” she continued. “I just…I was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way, or that you would try and make it work out of pity, or…or that you would try to be with me to recapture what you had with Peter.”

“I would never do that, Jess,” Kitty replied, having calmed down enough to speak again. “Never. I promise.”

 

Jessica smiled and let out a small giggle. “So now what?”

“Now…” Kitty said, tapping her lips. “Now I think you should kiss me again.”

“Happy to oblige,” Jessica replied, leaning in.

 

Kitty was doing backflips in her head. The path was rougher than she expected, but the outcome was worth so much more.

 

Nothing could have made her happier.

 

+++

 

“Jesus fuck, are they ever going to stop?”

“Lana, be quiet, they might hear you!”

“Oh, fuck off, Morales, you’re the one who wanted to be a creep and follow them to see what happened.”

“Yeah, and you demanded to tag along despite being an abrasive jackass.”

“Fuck you.”

 

Lana and Miles were crammed behind a set of bushes, several meters away from where Kitty and Jessica had been talking, now wrapped up in very publicly making out. Lana made a sound reminiscent of vomiting.

 

“This is gross,” she whispered, a sour expression on her face. “Can we leave yet? They already said all their sappy love bullshit.” 

 

Miles didn’t move, and Lana rolled her eyes. “You’re completely ridiculous. I’m leaving.” 

 

As Lana stomped off in irritation, Miles pulled out his phone, scrolling down to Ganke’s name and firing off a quick text to him.

 

<Dude I’m gonna have so much ammo after this>

<are they doin it??? did she confess?>

<Yeah dude they’ve been eating each other’s faces for like five minutes now>

<pics dude>

<What no that’s gross come on man>

 

He did, however, manage to get one decent picture, which he examined with a smirk.

 

The team was going to love this one tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Played rather fast and loose with the timeline, because there are a lot of issues I would need to reference to line up when Kitty and Jessica could possibly have interacted before All-New Ultimates, and I wanted to get this done before I lost the inspiration. It's a very small window no matter what. Not to mention that they would be alive and together after this story for about five minutes until Secret Wars blows up the whole universe. But whatever.
> 
> I struggled with Kitty and how she might perceive any feelings for Jessica she might have - and I made Jessica a little more reticent than she seemed in All-New Ultimates, where she pretty heavily implied that she would still have a direct interest in Kitty. The specter of Peter hangs heavy over both of them, and I think it would continue to do that if they decided to try being together - if Kitty was interested in women, that is. That's what inspired this story, though I didn't want to go in the direction of questioning if either of them had genuine feelings, because that makes the story way, way heavier than I wanted it to be.
> 
> I don't write fan work very often, but I have a massive soft spot for the Ultimate universe, which directly brought me into the wonderful world of comics, so I may mess around more in the future.


End file.
